Some homeless dude in Beverly Hills is shitting his pants right now.

Some homeless dude in Beverly Hills is shitting his pants right now.

Breaking and entering.  My accomplice was a walker.

Breaking and entering. My accomplice was a walker.

First standup show circa 1989.

First standup show circa 1989.

What do you get the person who has everything?

What do you get the person who has everything?

Oh dear lord that is chaBAD advertising.

Oh dear lord that is chaBAD advertising.

"You might want to look into that" Fuck YOU Mint.com.  Don’t patronize me.

"You might want to look into that" Fuck YOU Mint.com. Don’t patronize me.

2012 in one picture

2012 in one picture

The first script I ever wrote circa 1994. It was a period piece about The Renaissance. I was 11.

The first script I ever wrote circa 1994. It was a period piece about The Renaissance. I was 11.

I can’t read good.

I can’t read good.

Jayme, age 30

Jayme, age 30

I do what I can.

I do what I can.

Sure you don’t “Peggy”

Sure you don’t “Peggy”

I don’t like it when people interrupt me. Don’t do it.

I don’t like it when people interrupt me. Don’t do it.

My Bottom Line

I am not above charity.

I will give a blow job for $300.00 but only via text (“Sext”).  Money must be wired into my account prior to the Sext.

I will date a homeless man.

I will clean my own shit out of a toilet bowl but no one elses’.

Gratitude Journal (The Best of)

I bow to the universe for the following blessings:

Failing the NY Bar Exam (2008)

Falling the CA Bar Exam (2011)

Getting laid off from X Agency (2011)

Getting a new job (2011)

Failing the CA Bar Exam for a second time (2011)

Not getting fired from new job for racial and religious racist (2011)

Getting dumped (2011)

Getting fired from previously mentioned job for racial and religious racism (2012)